In 2007 my career as a figure competitor and fitness model started but by 2009 it ended abruptly. Within two short years I had created a name for myself in the bodybuilding world. I had places top 5 at Nationals, earned a contract with a supplement company as their spokes-model, was published seven times, and my career was what most competitors dream about. I was basically getting paid to workout, and inspiring others to do the same, and each day I checked things of my list of accomplishments. From the outside I may have looked like I was living the life, but there was a lot going behind the scenes that I didn’t want to share.
The first year I competed wasn’t so bad. I started my “diet” or show prep after getting out of an unhealthy relationship, and wanted a goal to work towards to keep me focus, and distracted. After having more than one abusive relationship I really didn’t value myself very much. I felt like I was always putting others needs before my own, but for once I was going to just focus on me, and I finally had an excuse to do so.
When I did my first figure show I spent about 3 months prepping for it, and lost over 30lbs. I was so thrilled with my results, and loved the attentions and recognition I was finally getting from the outside world. Everyone was constantly complimenting me, and for once I felt so important and special. A few months later I did the LA Championships, and not only won my class in figure, but took the overall. Honestly, I was shocked by my success, and loved feeling like I had so much control over how my body looked. For once in my life I felt like I had it together. I was hooked and competed 5X in 2007.
The off-season was pretty rough for me. Once I relaxed a little from my hardcore workout and eating routine, I instantly started to put on weight. I still worked out daily and followed a very clean diet, but my body didn’t look like it. When I started to diet for the National Season the following year next year it took me twice as long to lose the weigh. I wanted to compete so bad but I felt tired and frustrated with the lack of results. Often my body screamed at me with different aches and pains. My menstrual cycle was extremely irregular, and I had to drink coffee and take supplements to get through the day, but instead of stopping and listening to my body I just kept on pushing.
The last time I competed was at Team Universe in 2008. I remember being in NY City, and being exhausted and cranky, because I was just so worn down. I remember that day so clearly because I felt horrible regardless of the smile I pasted on my face, but I also remember it because it was the day that my path and competition career would come to an end.
Competing didn’t stop for me just because I felt like crap physically. I probably could have continued to push through the physical pain and exhaustion, or even taken more supplements to lose the weight and stay lean. I maybe would have even achieved the IFBB Pro status that most competitors dream about, but I decided to stop because my emotional and spiritual life was suffering dramatically. Typically our physical bodies are the first to show signs that are lives are out of balance, or at least mine was. I had become so emotionally and spiritually detached from my body that it literally had to scream at me before I decided to stop pushing it, and it was screaming so loud that I couldn’t drown it out anymore.
The next few years were the worst, but also the best years of my life because they were the most life changing, and I by far learned the most about who I really was and also who I wanted to be.
In 2010 I left San Diego, got rid of A Deal 4 Fitness (my personal training and nutrition business), and moved to rural PA to work at a Holistic Healing Center. Not only with the hopes of healing my own body, but also with the hopes of helping others heal their bodies too. One huge lesson I learned out of many is you can’t help someone do something that you don’t know how to do yourself!
In the process of trying to reverse the physical damage I had done to my body, I spent thousands tens of thousands of dollars on different doctors, and still didn’t have an answer of why I wasn’t well. When I finally realized that there was a lot more in my life that was broken besides just my body, I then shifted my focus to healing my mind and soul, and many of the health challenges I was dealing with went away. This healing process took me years and I struggled with changing things about myself that I needed to work through. It wasn’t as simple as the typical western approach of taking a pill, and having my symptoms go away. I spent a decent amount of time miserable because of all the difficult things I went through with my health, but I will spend the rest of my life grateful for everything God taught me in the process.
BloomLiss 